19 January, 2023
With Short ‘n’ Curly
“Evening sir, evening madam. I am an officer with the North Sydney Council and and you have been pulled over for a random skin, fin and fur check!
May I see your licences please.
Ahh Mr and Mrs Skinner is it? We are not
off to a very good start now are we!
Now please hand over that Akubra hat
and I will have to take your leather belt as
well Mr Skinner, plus of course your RM
Williams boots. Ohh and your leather wallet
too if you don’t mind!
Now, Mrs Skinner can you kindly pass
me you hat with the peacock feathers, ohh,
and your crocodile skin handbag, along with
your pearl necklace, tortoise shell earrings
and leather purse and shoes!
Thank you, now do I see a cricket ball on
the back seat? I’ll be confiscating that along
with those football boots.
Now while we are looking at the seats
you had better whip off those lambs’ wool
seat covers and pass them over.
Thank you so much for your co-operation,
Mr and Mrs Skinner but unfortunately
now I can see that you have leather seats so
best we rip them out as well!
Actually, I think the best bet would be for
us to impound your entire car, after all it is a
A senior member of our council will be in
contact with you within the next 48-hours to
assist you in starting the process to change
your name because as you know we do not
allow skinners in this council!
Thank you and enjoy your walk home!”
Welcome everyone to 2023 and this
mad, crazy, woke infested politically correct
North Sydney Council are currently
leading the way so far this year for absurdity,
but me and Me Mate are confident that it
will soon be gazumped!
In the meantime, if you are intending to
be entering the North Sydney Council area,
we strongly suggest that you conceal your
North Sydney Bears membership cards
because surely such membership would be
severely frowned upon by the Skin, Fin and
Crazy world, crazy times!
I should not be saying “crazy” because that
might be offensive to someone!)
Sorry if it is, but here I go for 2023.
So, with crazy in mind and the need to
start the new year off in a similar vein the
name Peta Bradley comes to mind.
You will read about Peta’s ice swimming
exploits elsewhere in this edition of The
Gilgandra Weekly but all me and Me Mate
can do is sit back and admire and applaud
her achievements while at the same time
thinking “WHAT THA??????”.
How can a girl from the Giladise area
(which is not renowned for it’s artic like conditions)
end up winning a bronze medallion
at the fifth International Ice Swimming
Association Championships held in France
Me and Me Mate cannot figure that out
but gee it is one big effort which we will contemplate
under a warm shower!
Peta came third in the 500 metres but
swam in lots of other events and her story
makes great reading so suss it out elsewhere
in today’s paper.
So, if you happen to see an ice cube
strolling around the town it’s probably Peta
so, don’t be shy in congratulating her, just be
careful after doing so because the footpath
might be wet and slippery due to her
N(ice) work Peta!
Maybe its just the time of year when
impersonators get about as you would well
and truly know if you have been to the
recent Elvis Festival, but Me Mate swears
that he recently saw at a local establishment
a snowman playing on the piano “Don’t Let
The Sun Go Down On Me”.
Apparently, the snowman’s name was Meltin’ John!
Moving on it is time for prospective
Gilgandra Panther rugby league players to
get moving with training starting next
Tuesday (January 24) night for both first
grade and the league tag.
While the experienced duo of Luke
Ritchie and Curtis Carr will be at the helm of
the first-grade squad the Pink Panthers are,
at this stage, without a coach, which me and
Me Mate find rather extraordinary given the
high level of talent and the performances of
the team in recent years, e.g. semi-finalists
Still at the time of typing this, the
Panthers are still searching for someone to
mould the 2023 team, which once again
should be brimful of talented players, and
would love to hear from anyone who might
be interested in the role.
Interim arrangements are in hand for the
commencement of training next week, so
prospective Pink Panthers need to get themselves
to The McGee to get things underway
for the 2023 season along with the first
Now this might come as a shock to you,
as indeed it did to me and Me Mate and our
may Filipino friends, but the Philippines
have a side playing in the current Australian
Country Cricket Championships being
played in Canberra.
If you don’t believe us, then best you ask
the very talented Breelong cricketer Matt
Everett who is playing in the NSW Country
side and who notched a half century plus
one against the Filipinos on Sunday.
As I type this up, the NSW side were
undefeated having previously beaten South
Australia in their opening game.
Me and Me Mate cannot ascertain how
Matt was dismissed in the game against the
Philippines, but we are surmising that perhaps
he might have been bowled by the
Filippino version of Shane Warne’s legendary
“flipper”, the Flippino!
Not unlike the rest of us Me Mate gets
really frustrated when he regularly gets told
that he needs to change his password.
The last time he was told that his new
password had to be all capitals so he made
Me and Me Mate just don’t get it!
We don’t get how one football player, that
being Cristiano Ronaldo, can be worth
$9.80 a second, or $6 million per week or
what ever that adds up to a year!
Maybe we are very naïve about the ways
of the soccer (oops I have done it again, I
mean football) world but how on earth can
one player be worth so much and how on
earth do whoever is paying him that
obscene amount of dosh ever get their
Maybe they don’t get their money back!
I don’t know but gee it just seems to me
to be way, way, way over the top and just
imagine what could be done with that sort of
money in terms of so many humanitarian
projects let alone developing grass roots
I am thinking Football Australia would be very happy to be getting $6 million a week to splash around their game!
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall
enough to be pilots!
Look between us me and Me Mate reckon
that we have racked up about 17 or so
holes in one in our lifetime!
That would be holes in our socks and
underpants, not counting the ones that our
Mums used to darn up!
Anyway, we doubt the Rob Hay could
match that number, but then again neither of
us can match Rob’s hole in one on the golf
course so that sort of evens it out a bit!
Rob unsurprisingly won the nearest to
the pin at the Gilgandra Royal and Ancient
on Sunday when his tee shot on the seventh
neatly nestled up against the flagpole, which
by the way was still upright in the hole at the
Gotta be happy with that, and we dare
say Rob was!
My weakly Weekly poetic effort!
Whilst away at Christmas, Me Mate went
to this dodgy bar.
It was full of seedy folk, with known crims
from near and far.
Still, it was the only one that was handy
to where he was staying.
So, he bravely wandered in where the
crooks were all playing.
It didn’t take too long, just after he had
ordered his first drink
That a bloke sidled up beside him and
gave him a wink!
“Hey Buddy, I’ve got a deal for you, one
that can’t be resisted!”
Me Mate replied, “No thanks”, but the
bloke just persisted.
“I’ve got this ‘sat nav’ that I am selling
really, really cheap”
“I admit it’s a pirate one, but the price is a
long way from steep!”
Me Mate was in a quandary, what should
The bloke was going nowhere, and Me
Mate was in a stew!
So, in the end he bought it so the bloke
would go away.
And he went home with that pirate sat
nav on that day!
He found it was no good with directions
after he installed it in his car
But he says that it is absolutely great, at
telling you where you arrrrrrrrrhhh!
Me and Me Mate hope that there will be
no brewery droop in the forthcoming games
for Gilgandra’s representative cricket team.
You see Gil’s Brewery Shield team are
thus far undefeated in the competition with
one game to play, that being against Cobar
at the McGee this Sunday.
Irrespective of the result of that game
Gilgandra has won the right to host the final
of the prestigious competition, having won
the right to do so after a comprehensive victory
over Dubbo a couple of weekends ago
While unconfirmed, me and Me
Mate have heard of reports that the Dubbo
Rugby Club is seeking some sort of compensation
from the Western Cricket Association
for the damage caused to the roof of
their club house (which is adjacent to
Dubbo’s number one oval) by Gil’s captain
Ash Hazelton as he bludgeoned his way to
181 runs in Gilgandra’s emphatic victory!
What goes trot, trot, trot, dash, dash, trot,
trot? Horse code!
So, Ash scored a century plus four score,
which by any measure is a great feat, as
indeed was his brother Kieren’s effort in
training a hattrick of winners at the Gil races
on New Year’s Eve.
Turgenov ($4.60 equal favourite) having
its first start for Kieren, got the winnings
underway in race three, soon followed up by
another first starter in the Hazelton stable
with Mamelon ($26.00) taking out race four
and then would you believe Sizzling Star
($16.00) claiming race five.
Whilst neither me or Me Mate were at the
races on that day we reckon that we heard
many a ‘woop woop’ coming from the plethora
of local syndicate owner members who
were obviously relishing the wins!
It was a touch ironic that Sizzling Star
won the Damows and More Benchmark 50
Handicap because the sponsor of that race
is none other than Keiro’s brother in law
Damian Jordan who is one of the many
(syndicate) owners of the horse!
Suppose it is nice to keep it in the family!
Me Mate once lived in the big smoke and
as was his want he called in to a bar most
every afternoon after work for a quick ale
before heading home.
It just so happened that a specialist,
Doctor Jones, was in the same habit, and he
(the doc) would enjoy an almond daiquiri
before he too would head home.
One day, the barman, Dick, ran out of
almonds so he used hickory nuts instead.
The doctor took a sip and then asked, “Is
this an almond daiquiri, Dick?”
Dick replied, “It’s a hickory daiquiri, doc!”.
OK so I reckon that that will do me for my
first week back in 2023.
You know you have to ease yourself back
into things now don’t you.
Hang on, just before I go, Me Mate has
just come in all upset.
He is about to set out on a camping trip
so he went and bought himself some camping
insurance but upon reading the fine print
when he got home he now finds that if
someone steals his tent during the night he
Sorry about that one folks! I will try to do better next week. Until then have a good one and stay safe and be kind to whoever you should be kind to! Take care.